you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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