I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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