No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
