:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
