She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
