Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
