remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize