I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
