at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
