she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
