$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
