Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
