I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
