i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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