I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
