It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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