Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize