I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
