I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
