She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
