you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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