I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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