Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
