I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
