508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
