I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
