Duck Duck Cougar?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
