so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
