I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
