I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
