No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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