ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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