Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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