I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize