Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
