On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
