And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
