You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize