I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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