I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
