I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize