Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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