i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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