We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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