I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
