I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize