I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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