would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Sober January is a disaster.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
