its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
too bad you live with your parents still
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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