she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
