The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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