some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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