Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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