I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
