Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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