I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
