I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
