I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
