Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
