She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
