he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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