Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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