arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
