It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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