Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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