if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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