im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
