Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
