Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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