They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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