My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
40s are totally the cure
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
