I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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