Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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