I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
