nut hugger
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
