so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
