he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
