Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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