"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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