Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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