had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize