You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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