her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
