Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
