Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
