before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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