Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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