she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize