Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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