just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
