i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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