She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
