If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My cat gives me a boner
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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