You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
