Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
