She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
