Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
