I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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