Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize