I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
