I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
