when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
