Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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