I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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