just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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