he thought i was a dude.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
