Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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