I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
