also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
