I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
