Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
farters have to be the big spoon...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
