The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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