Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
