Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
