Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
40s are totally the cure
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
