I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
