I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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